“If you don’t know who you are, people will tell you who to be” – John Maxwell
Prof to student: “who are you.”?
Student: “my name is Ashley, I am from Cincinnati Ohio.
Prof: “I didn’t ask for your name nor where you came from, who are you?
Student: “I am a first year student of Economics & Social Studies at the University of. . . the student’s voice trailed off when she observed the reaction of her professor – eyes rolling, hands lifted up in exasperation…
The scenario briefly described above is a common occurrence whenever people are asked who they are. It is a question directed at your person, your identity. Self identity is who you are as created by your Maker- your likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, pains, passions, purpose, dreams etc. It refers to stable and prominent aspects of one’s self-perception (e.g.,’I think of myself as self motivated.
Self identity is NOT:
- who you wished you were.
- the opinion of well intentioned people about you.
- the label you have borne for so long due to lack of proper understanding of your personality.
A number of people exhibit varying degrees of dysfunctionality or maladjusted behavior due to lack of proper integration between who they perceive themselves to be and what others are telling them. This situation is referred to by psychologists as ego identity- a sense of identity that provides individuals with the ability to experience their sense of who they are, also act on that sense, in a way that has continuity and sameness.
Crisis of identity has its root in the adolescence age, a period characterized by physical, mental, emotional growth and possibly spiritual awareness. It is a period that most adolescents find confusing and stressful. Due to inability to fathom what they are inwardly experiencing,the physical changes they observe in themselves or inadequate guidance by mentors (including parents), some of these young people resort to destructive behaviors like experimenting with drugs, gangsterism, and their sexuality. The identity crisis sometimes manifests as negative emotions such as anger, rebellion, depression, isolation etc.
What any child needs at such times are the understanding support of parents and immediate family members in terms of loving reassurance that what they are experiencing are normal growth symptoms characteristics of their age; assurance that they are normal and loving people who will grow up to become a valued member of their community. Instead of these, in many instances, adolescents are ridiculed, called names and sometimes described by the outward signs of their growth. Their reaction to such ignorant and unkind words spoken to them are internalized and leave an indelible negative impact on their young brains sometimes far into adulthood.
According to Erickson (1968), an influential theorist in ego identity, adolescents explore their independence and develop a sense of self between the ages of 12 and 18 approximately. He further states that the process of forming a strong identity takes place between the ages of approximately 19 and 40. Therefore, when we observe some CEOs, Pastors, Politicians, Medical Doctors and other highly reputable personalities in our community manifesting insecurity, anger, bitterness, resentment, codependency in their relationships and many more, we can understand the root of their maladjustment. Such individuals lack a positive self image due to unhealthy or negative processes of identity formation. They are denied the opportunity to live a self satisfying life even though they may occupy a big office; they make little or no positive impact on others because they have unresolved emotional and mental baggage from their childhood. Such individuals require professional intervention.
In my next article, I will deal with some behaviors that rob individuals of their identity. Make sure you subscribe to InsideOut Digest to be able to read the concluding part.
Coach Bimpe is the Founder & Chief Servant Officer of Connect Coaching Center, LLC.
Resident in Columbus Ohio, USA, her organization provides coaching and leadership training services around the globe. As a faith-based organization, we are dedicated to equipping you with practical skills and tools to discover your hidden potential and purpose. We empower you to build deeper connections with yourself and others, enabling you to lead a life of purpose and impact.
For your personal or organizational coaching, leadership training and or speaking engagements, or for a free 30 minutes discovery session, please contact us or email CoachBimpe@connectcoachingcenter.net. Tel: +1 6143535028